An eating disorder shows up at your door one day, claiming to be your new best friend. It takes you by the hand, telling you things are going to be ok now that you're both working together. It teaches you how to find a new sense of control since it seems the rest of the world has taken all of yours away. It listens to you when everyone else is too busy to notice your struggles. It shows you how to release the pain and the anger and frustration that has been building up for so long. It stands beside you while you look in the mirror disgusted and it hands you the solution. It shows you the way when you feel so completely lost and hopeless. It promises to make you the person you've always wanted to be. You hang out together for a while, slowly noticing how this "friend" has given you a new sense of power. It's been easy so far, without any fights or complications. Your friend seems to be keeping the promises but when you look in the mirror, nothing has changed.
Your occasional supportive meetings with your new best friend become more and more frequent. You're learning something new every day and even though you still can't look in a mirror without criticizing, you have faith that with your new skills that day might come. Your new friend has given you so much hope and guidance. The friendship has gotten so much more intense now and you hang out every day. Your other friends notice that you're pushing them away but you dismiss their questions because you really don't need them now that you have this new friend. Nobody else in your life can provide you with what you're getting now. And they never really understood you anyway.
Sometimes you wonder why it took so long for you and this new friend to hook up. It could've saved you so many days of misery.... but you shrug that off and come back to your new reality. Your friend is hanging out with you all the time now and it's helped you so much. You've never been so motivated but still you wonder why you look in the mirror and nothing has changed. Maybe you're not paying attention. Maybe you're not doing enough. You could definitely work harder. I mean, what's more important than this? Your mom's worried, but that's nothing new. And your dad's mad about the credit card bill - but, hey, you were practically swimming in those jeans, it was time for some shopping and things are cheaper in the kid's department anyway. And sometimes at night you wonder what your old friends are doing. Do they even notice you're not there? You hear people whisper when you walk down the hall at school, "can you believe what she looks like?" You come home and stare at yourself in the mirror for hours wondering just which part of you they were talking about. What part don't they like?
Good thing your best friend is there to remind you - it's not just one part, it's everything. Keep working harder. Don't give up. But you're getting so tired and you feel so weak. Some days you wish you two had never met. But you know that the friendship is the most important thing in your life. It keeps you breathing. It gives you a reason to get up in the morning. Without your friend, you're nothing. And one day you'll start to look good and everyone who criticized you will have to eat their words. Ha, eat their words...with all the things they've said about you, they might need a friend like yours when they're done eating them! It's really not funny though. How could anything be funny when you feel so sad?
The lies that you've told - not just a few. You lied to everyone you know over and over and over again. You hid yourself from the world and at the same time you smiled in their faces and brought home those straight A report cards and won vice president of the senior class and got the lead in Swan Lake. Well, your teachers are happy and your dance teacher's satisfied and your parents are proud and your little sister is jealous. Lately though, you just want to be alone. But the expectations are so high, the pressure's getting you down and the world's moving too fast. You have to keep going and pull this thing off. You can't let everyone know what a fraud you are. Days are flying by and you're losing your balance. And that mirror in the corner of your room is yelling at you, telling you how imperfect you really are. It mocks you and laughs as you shout back with a shaky voice, saying that you've got it all under control. The guilt is overwhelming and you just want to run away and hide somewhere where no one will ever find you. You've lied to them all. They'll hate you as much as you hate yourself. Well...almost. And things keep on spinning 'til you finally fall to the ground.
When you wake up everything seems so surreal. Your mom's in the corner, sitting on the big blue chair with her head in her hands, crying. Your dad's talking quietly to a woman in a long white coat standing in the doorway. Your sister's sitting at the table coloring a picture of a pretty rainbow and some daisies. The smell of the place is so sterile you feel as though your own breath will contaminate it all. And the IV in your arm is stinging all of the sudden and these machines around you seem to beep so loud. And, oh no! A feeding tube! Who do they think they are? This is your body. Your life. You're in control. You close your eyes, trying to conjure up the strength to protest and when you open them again you see that help has arrived. Your best friend is there. You're saved! But your friend slowly removes the kind looking mask to reveal an evil creature who smiles deviously, with satisfaction, winks at you and then disappears.
For a second you lay there confused, not knowing what to think. How could your friend abandon you like that? Guess you'll have to go at this one alone. So you wonder if you really want to give in to what they're trying to do? There's graduation coming up soon and then college starts. You've worked so hard to get to this point. But, wait, what is "this point" exactly? The hospital?! This is not what you'd hoped for. This is not what you had planned, not what your friend had promised. All you wanted was to be perfect. But if something as evil as your "best friend" was required for that...well, maybe you'd better think it through a little better. It seems that this friend never had any intention of helping you. You tried to learn control from it and it ended up controlling you and now laying in this bed you don't feel like you have very much control at all. Looking around the room at your family, you realize that things in life may just never be perfect but you're alive and maybe that's not so bad. Sure you learned a lot from your friend but you were learning some pretty deadly lessons. You can see that now and it's too bad that it had to come to this to make you realize what you were dealing with but maybe this is your chance. You've been torturing yourself long enough. Now you can begin to heal.
©2003
This is not based on anyone in particular but is dedicated to someone very special to me. You
know who you are.
So what's my point, right?
In our body-conscious, superficial society it's not hard to believe that eating disorders are common. All the airbrushed magazine ads, personally trained movie stars, and plastic well proportioned models directly or inadvertently encourage distorted thinking about body shapes and false concepts of what's the "norm". In fact, it's estimated that 70 million people worldwide have an eating disorder of some kind. That number may not seem high if you consider there are almost 300 million people in the U.S. alone, but to add some perspective think about this: that's more people than there are in the entire country of France or the United Kingdom, more than twice the population of Canada, and about 3 ½ times that of Australia! And the truth is, it may even be higher than 70 million because the study of eating disorders is new and often neglected by medical professionals who are not required to report findings to anyone in particular. What's amazing to me though is the thought that most people don't even realize how much of an issue it truly is. If their lives are not directly effected by it, chances are it rarely, if ever, enters their minds. It's a sort of denial that has almost become epidemic and certainly has deadly consequences.
It's all particularly interesting to me because I grew up in a competitive dance atmosphere where it was completely normal for us to worry about appearance constantly. We had to know a lot about make-up and hair at a young age and we were constantly having costume fittings that made us aware of our measurements. Our dance teacher added to the stress by instituting a periodic weigh-in, which was done in private but the results were hardly kept a secret. Even those of us who were naturally thin felt the pressure because we didn't want to be the next one who was singled out as a problem. But still, it never occurred to a single one of us that any of this was setting us up for body image issues. We loved what we were doing and accepted it all as part of the package. And we were all aware of the problem that existed for ballet dancers, but we were performing jazz and tap and weren't required to be that thin. So it couldn't be a problem for us, right? How wrong we were! And ironically, our dance teacher herself is what is now classified as obese, being more than 20% above a normal, healthy weight for her.
It's no secret that the dance world is one of the places where eating disorders are the most prevalent. At this point, our society has pretty much turned it into a cliché. You can hardly find a story focusing on dancers that doesn't involve one of them having some kind of eating disorder. It's totally true that what is a passionate hobby for most, and a profession for very few of those who participate in it, has a huge and lasting effect on the way they see their bodies. Not only does it focus much of their energy on the way they look, but for those who pursue it with any sort of vigor, over-exercising becomes a way of life with the required classes and rehearsals they must attend. A school aged child may sometimes spend as many as 4-5 hours every day in the studio. It's sad to think of all the young people who get involved in that activity as a way of boosting self esteem, becoming comfortable being in front of people, working in groups, and moving in their own bodies and somehow ending up suffering long term consequences.
Of course, it's very important to stress that not all dancers have to deal with this. There are many studios out there that are aware of this problem and work very hard to keep their students from going down the dangerous road an eating disorder may push them toward. It's also important to note that dance class is not the only extra-curricular activity that may lead to eating disorders. The same problems can be found at a gymnastics class, a swim meet, a wrestling match, an ice skating rink, a beauty pageant or on a cheerleading squad, to name just a few. Eating disorders are not so much linked to what you're doing as they are to what you're thinking and feeling. Situations such as these may simply encourage the kinds of thoughts and feelings that could possibly lead someone toward taking that first harmful step.
Love After Love
by Derek Walcott
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine, give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror
Sit. Feast on your life
In case you don't know.....
Some helpful info for you.
Normal Eating vs. Disordered Eating
The most evident difference between normal and disordered eating patterns is the ability or lack
of ability to connect and respond to your body's needs.
Normal Eating includes:
being open to and allowing yourself to feel your hunger
choosing foods you like to eat
allowing yourself to eat when you feel hungry
acknowledging and stopping when you feel satisfied
making healthy food choices
not restricting yourself from indulging
allowing time and energy to be spent on several meals a day
letting food play a small but significant part in your life
Disordered Eating includes:
ignoring or suppressing internal hunger cues
making rules about when you will allow yourself to eat
paying close attention to how much food you take in
making food choices based on calorie counting or measuring fat content
being preoccupied with how eating will effect the way you look
swinging back and forth between total indulgence and complete starvation
using excuses to avoid eating
feeling the need to be secretive about eating behaviors or the kind of food you're eating
creating rituals around food and/or meal times
being preoccupied by food to the point where it interferes with regular functioning
Simply put, the difference is really an issue of finding balance. Any sort of extreme or rigid behavior surrounding food and/or eating may be related or leading to disordered eating. The healthier "normal" way of eating requires flexibility and listening to your body
What causes an eating disorder?
If you're looking for a scientific answer to this one, sorry, but you're out of luck. In fact, there
isn't really any sort of UNscientific answer. There are likely circumstances and contributing
factors but at this point it is all pretty much conjecture. The bright side is that there are a lot
of researchers out there trying to figure it out and hopefully one day there will be an answer. For
now, I can provide you with some things that the professionals have noted as common threads among
eating disorder patients.
Eating disorders may begin with a concentration on body shape and food, but actually are more about controlling emotions that are overwhelming to that person.
Overeating and under-eating both activate brain chemicals that produce feelings of happiness and contentment. It is thought that eating disordered people may unknowingly discover and use these chemical reactions as a way of coping with the lack of control they have over their emotional states.
People who feel like they have insufficient power in their life may seek to gain it through manipulating their food choices and eating behaviors.
An eating disorder may be the result of constant teasing or belittling.
An eating disordered person may set unrealistic standards for themselves and as a result of not being able to meet them, feel inadequate and worthless.
Having difficulty expressing emotions (especially anger) may lead to internalizing all feelings. This may push a person to a point where the emotions turn inward and become a sort of punishment, directing those feelings at themselves instead of at the source.
Feelings of hopelessness or depression may cause someone to stop caring about their health and begin to believe that they don't deserve food.
Low self-esteem can cause someone to be overly critical about their appearance and make them want to be appear differently or be someone different.
It's very common for eating disorders to grow out of something that began as a seemingly simple diet. The need to restrict all eating to what the diet dictates and the guilt that accompanies straying from that is just a small step away from a full blown eating disorder.
Having parents or friends who concentrate a lot of energy on appearance can lead to an eating disorder as a way of gaining approval or fitting in.
Someone may attempt to declare what seems to be an otherwise absent identity by associating themself with their eating disorder, as if that encompasses all of who they are.
Children of people with eating disorders are more likely to follow that same path due partially to example and partially to their need to please.
Parents who use food as leverage for disciplining their children, either as punishment or reward, may be contributing to the development of an eating disorder.
A history of physical or sexual abuse greatly increases the chances of developing an eating disorder. According to the A.P.A., sexual abuse specifically has been linked to 20-50% of eating disordered patients with anorexia and bulimia.
Some people with eating disorders use it as a way to appear physically immature in an attempt to avoid sexual relationships.
Fear of rejection based on their perceived flaws keep many eating disordered people from establishing anything more than a superficial friendship or relationship, often leaving them feeling disconnected and lonely.
Societal pressures to have the "perfect body" lead many people toward eating disorder behaviors and thinking.
The media suggests that the better one looks, the easier life will be to cope with.
Advertising tells people that they are imperfect and will be better if they purchase their product. Even if a person is able to resist purchasing the product, the almost subliminal message of imperfection stays with them.
Despite unofficial campaigns for change and attempts at creating awareness, it's still true that many people place value on others based on appearance first and inner qualities last.
I'm sure there are a lot of things I'm leaving out here. These are just off the top of my head, based on the many, many things I have read and been taught about this stuff over the last few years. I'm not sure if I should be proud of myself for all I have learned or saddened at the idea that this is probably just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. An E.D. may be caused by one of these things or a combination of a few or maybe even something I've never thought of. Any way I look at it, it's obvious that eating disorders are extremely complex and obviously not as much about food as some people would like to think.
Please don't say...
These are just a few things that people with eating disorders would really rather not hear. If you
KNOW that someone has eating issues, please try to be sensitive and keep these things in mind.
"I wish I had your body." - Sounds like a compliment, I know. But actually it can end up reinforcing damaging behavior.
"Maybe if you worked out more...." - To a compulsive overeater, this just sounds like "you're fat".
"You don't look that thin to me." - Need I explain this one?
"I'd offer to add you to our dinner party, but I don't want to waste my money." - Nobody wants to be told that they're purposely being left out and adding that reason to the end will NOT make someone feel better, it will only add to their shame and guilt.
"You eat so much. How do you stay so thin?" - Um, I don't think that people with NO eating issues like to be told they eat a lot, but can you imagine the effect that would have on an eating disordered person? Especially a bulimic....think about it.
"Come on, just eat something for me." - This one infuriates me. If eating something was that easy for people with EDs, don't you think they would do it without your encouragement? And because people with EDs tend to be people pleasers, they may actually do it to make you happy and then end up feeling terrible about themselves. The eating disorder is most likely about establishing some control in their life and you're attempting to steal that back from them which, when you think about it, really just fuels their need for it. Besides, nobody should be forced, pressured, or coerced into doing anything that makes them that uncomfortable.
"You're so skinny. You look sick or something." - First of all, the person you're speaking to probably doesn't think they're skinny at all. And second, would you like it if someone walked up to you and said something like, "Those are some thick glasses. You must be going blind." That may not be the best example but I think you get my point.
"You're looking much healthier than before." - This kind of goes with the one above. I can't say this is universal but a lot of anorectics and bulimics hear the words "look" and "healthy" in a sentence and automatically equate that with weight gain.
"You look like you lost weight." - Another one that sounds like a compliment but can also be interpreted as "you were really fat before". Also, there is a good chance that it will encourage the behavior, making the person feel that whatever they were doing must be working.
"You'll never find a (wo)man if you're that skinny/overweight." - This one can apply to anyone with any sort of eating disorder. Telling them to change their appearance to find a mate is basically telling them that what they are is not good enough, reinforcing all the negative things they already think and feel about themselves.
"Can't you just stop eating so much?" - Anyone who has tendencies toward bingeing would probably like it very much if they could stop doing it. Unfortunately, it's not that simple.
"You know if you don't gain weight you could die?" - More than likely, the answer to that is yes. Do they care? That's another question. It's not unheard of that someone with an eating disorder be more interested in continuing the behavior than staying alive.
"You used to have so many friends." - Thanks for the reminder. Like they don't already think about the fact that they're disconnected from all their friends and probably most of their family. They may feel everyone has abandoned them because of their eating disorder. Or they may feel that the new behavior will help them become more popular and liked. If you read the story above, you'd know that the ED is probably the only friend they feel they need or can depend on at the moment.
"Don't you care how much your behavior is effecting me?" - Again, the answer to that is probably yes. However, the eating disorder is not about anyone other than the person directly involved in the behavior. In addition, that person is the only one who can decide to seek help so guilting them into that won't work either.
"When are you going to get over this?" - I'm sorry, but, DUH! A person can not define the amount of time it will take them to deal with these very complicated issues. And if they are in the midst of it all, chances are that the thought of giving it up hasn't even crossed their mind. If and when they decide to get treatment, that will still only be the first step in a long and difficult process. So be patient, caring, and supportive. If you can't manage that, my advice would be to go away!
Anorexia Nervosa
Most commonly characterized by a refusal to maintain a weight of at least 85% of what's expected
for that height and body type, usually caused by an intense fear of being fat. The attempt to
attain the idealistic picture of thin that is in an anorexic's mind is generally attained through
restricting food intake or the more severe approach of completely starving oneself.
Often accompanied by:
total preoccupation with body shape, weight, and food
general tendency toward perfectionism
a need for control
experimenting with severe diets
using and abusing diet pills
low or no self-esteem
suppressing urges and emotions
difficulty dealing with any sort of emotional situation
complete denial of hunger
compulsive exercising
periods with extreme amounts of energy and activity
a need to please
decreased social functioning and tendency toward isolation
mood swings
shame
problems making decisions
avoiding responsibilities
fear of change
extreme dependence on family
avoiding sexual contact and any other type of intimacy
distorted views of their weight and body
envy of those they view as thin or "perfect"
sometimes a feeling that they don't deserve food or nourishment
denial of the consequences of extreme weight loss and remaining underweight
Can lead to:
loss of menstruation
constipation
dry and brittle hair or hair loss
dry skin
growth of excess hair on face and body
headaches, dizziness
fatigue
cold feet and hands and difficulty tolerating cold places
low blood pressure
sleep difficulties
depression and/or suicide
hypervigilance and/or paranoia
hopelessness and helplessness
obsessive thoughts
damage or loss of relationships with family, friends, etc.
loss of interest or ability to participate in activities once enjoyed
low blood sugar
abdominal pain
leg cramps
weak immune system
infertility
gastro intestinal problems
osteoporosis
liver damage
kidney damage
irregular heartbeat
heart attack
death
Bulimia Nervosa
Usually described as a furtive cycle that is made up of a series of actions that include consuming
a large amount of food in a particular amount of time, followed by feelings of guilt and loss of
control, finally leading to the need to get rid of all that was consumed in an attempt to regain
control. In simpler terms, it basically goes binge, remorse, purge.
Often accompanied by:
overwhelming fear of being fat
preoccupation with body shape, weight, and food
need to be secretive about eating habits
acknowledging feelings of hunger but rarely acting in accordance
repeated bingeing, either quickly all at once or slowly snacking all day long
inducing vomiting
abusing diuretics, laxatives, or amphetamines
hoarding or stealing food
intense feelings of guilt and/or shame regarding behaviors
extreme and frequent mood swings
tendency toward impulsive behaviors
promiscuity or short term relationships
may exercise compulsively
compulsive behaviors like gambling, self injury, substance abuse and other risk taking things
suicide attempts or ideations
large variations in weight
tendency to be overweight although sometimes able to maintain their goal weight
many failed attempts at dieting
usually depressed
low self-esteem, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness
Can lead to:
loss of menstruation
constipation
dry and brittle hair or hair loss
dry skin
growth of excess hair on face and body
dehydration
bloating
fatigue
muscle cramps or spasms
dizziness, light headedness
cold feet and hands and difficulty tolerating cold places
low blood pressure
sleep difficulties
depression and/or suicide
hypervigilance and/or paranoia
hopelessness and helplessness
obsessive thoughts
damage or loss of relationships with family, friends, etc.
loss of interest or ability to participate in activities once enjoyed
loss of tooth enamel
cavities and gum problems
ruptured esophagus
mouth sores
sore throat
low blood sugar
swollen neck glands
osteoporosis
infertility
liver damage
kidney damage
digestive problems
weak immune system
irregular heartbeat
death
Binge Eating Disorder
Also known as compulsive overeating and sometimes viewed as a food addiction. It is defined mainly
as instances of consuming food beyond the point of comfortable fullness which occur regularly and
are often impulsive. This behavior is generally incited by feelings more than hunger.
Often accompanied by:
feeling deprived
frequent dieting with a history of failures
inability to control food intake
resistance to exercise
guilt and shame about bingeing behavior and weight gains
feeling out of control
eating as a form of comforting themselves or numbing emotional pain
secretive eating
food hoarding and hiding for later consumption
a fixation on the idea of losing weight
blaming all failures on weight
avoiding sexual relationships and intimacy
fear of eating around other people
difficulty trusting others
self sacrificing behaviors in an attempt to please others
feeling worthless
intense need to be liked and accepted
feelings of self loathing
isolation
depression
preoccupation with body shape, food, and eating
Can lead to:
weight gain
respiratory problems
sleep difficulties
joint pain
increased body temperature and perspiration
decreased mobility
fatigue
depression and/or suicide
hypervigilance and/or paranoia
hopelessness and helplessness
obsessive thoughts
compulsive behaviors
damage or loss of relationships with family, friends, etc.
high blood pressure
high cholesterol
digestive problems
diabetes
irregular heartbeat
stroke
heart attack
increased risk for certain types of cancer
obesity
death
Of course, everyone is different and symptoms as well as physical reactions may vary. No matter what, the fact still remains that a body needs to be fed regularly in order to function. Denying nutrition as in anorexia or bulimia, will diminish your body's ability to operate. Even if the severe physical repercussions don't slow you down, starvation will eventually begin to interfere with your brain's ability to function.
Overeating can cause a body just as many problems, though they are often rationalized away because the person doesn't seem to be in imminent danger. It may seem "healthier" to overeat than to under-eat but the truth is that they both have similar causes and in the end, similar consequences. Any way you look at it, without treatment the outcome could be fatal.
Links to Eating Disorder Resources
On this page I have only discussed the eating disorders that my friends or I have dealt with personally. As with all pages on this site, I feel I can only comment on things that have touched my life in a real way. I do acknowledge there are other forms of eating issues and if you follow the links provided, one or more of them will likely provide you with the info you are seeking.
