In 1995 I began looking for help to deal with my depression and the many issues growing from that state of mind I had been suffering in for years. Many of my friends also struggled with their own issues and inevitably turned to me as their shoulder to lean on. I was trustworthy and a good listener but at the time I didn't know any more than they did. I became determined to change that. Although already in therapy, I was too afraid to confront some things in my "real life" so I turned to the internet for help. Here I could remain anonymous and not feel pressured to follow through with any of the things I was learning. I was able to find information on the many things my friends and I were dealing with - sexual abuse/rape, eating disorders, self injury, addictions, severe depression, and various other traumas. I slowly found that I could begin to address issues in my own time, having already gained some understanding of what I was taking on. Once I realized that, I was able to encourage my friends to do the same.

When I began building this site, I chose the name carefully to represent the hell that I have lived through. I have seen the darkest sides of evil and have experienced the most rewarding moments of enlightenment. While in the midst of all the gloom, I was often not able to fathom the likelihood of finding the light again. I sometimes found it difficult to visit sites that talked about nothing but possibilities when all I felt was hopelessness. Then other times it all hit me at once and I felt both sides, in one big emotional rush. Over time I have come to believe that ultimately you can't have one without the other. Here you will find both.

Since my path in life has taken me through some very dark times, I feel it's necessary to acknowledge those times and realize that "survivor" may not be simply a label that you claim. Just as life is an ongoing process, when you've seen the things I have, surviving becomes a constant struggle. In this site you will not find my story in its entirety like many other personal sites provide. It spans a lifetime and will continue to change with every passing day. I have still just barely begun to deal with my issues the way I need to in order to truly move on. Through some of my experiences and opinions I will share though, you will be able to learn a little more about me and my struggles.

There are now an unbelievable amount of sites out there that deal with depression and the effects. There are countless links, many included in this site, that can help you overcome addictions, cope with anxiety, handle eating disorders, deal with abuse issues and allow you to interact with others facing similar trials. Those are all great things and important as a part of getting to know yourself. I would encourage you to visit all of those sites, when you are ready. This site, however, is a peek into the way I see things, in good times and in bad. I have been depressed since childhood and have been in therapy for a large part of my life. I've learned a lot in that time and I figured I'd pass some of that knowledge on.

Please keep in mind that I am not a professional so everything that is said here is most likely filtered through my own experiences and warped with my opinions. I have provided many links where you can get more detailed information on the various topics I included here. That's where you'll find the technical stuff. This is mostly a place designed to let you know you are not alone and maybe even provide a little encouragement here and there. I hope you find the site useful but if you don't, that's ok too. We're all different and to me, that's probably the one thing that consistently makes this world great. Just please keep in mind, I'm all about reality so if you're sensitive or easily offended, this is probably not the best place for you.